Just a girl in the shadow of a Mighty God: To live is Christ

Just a girl in the shadow of a Mighty God: To live is Christ: "It escapes me how to go about explaining the past couple months of my life. This life that Christ is continually changing blows me away. ..."

What a Crazy first few months

Man school has been kicking my butt! This semester, I have been able to handle it up until this week. EXAM WEEK! I am starting to crack and I realize I don't do well under stress! And I need to get this under control now before I start Nursing school. But what got me through my crazy tearful night was a message from my sweet sweet friend Donielle! "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "Isaiah 41:10 I LOVE YOU DONIELLE!

Why do I do this

Why do I do this to myself? That was the question I asked my self. Why do I make my self cry? And I can not figure out why.  Why  think about my painful past that I have over come. Why  think of the people who hurt me the most. Why as human do we hurt ourselves the most.  I don't know but I do know that I am over the crying, the pain and the sadness.  I am better then that and I deserve better.  I deserve to live a carefree happy life.  Everyone else on this earth does why can't I? I find myself asking that question as well and once again I get sad. Maybe I am not over it? Or maybe i can't let go or don't know how to let go.  Its funny how I give so many people advise and for one second don't know how to take my own advise.  Why do we and when I say we I mean humans do that to ourselves.  We preach to the choir but don't listen to our own sermon.  Confusing I know I am going to try and change that starting today! 

We need to be more then friends

So I have this "friend". I have known him since high school but really didn't get to know him till about the end of my senior year. We exchanged numbers and began to text and stuff and talk on myspace(this was when myspace was the place to be). Well anyway we kept in touch up until I met my son's father when I cut off all male connect. But, last year around this time we started back talking again on facebook we would message each other and text and stuff. Then we started hanging out at his house. After that one thing would lead to another....and well you know what happened ; ).  Well this has been going on for a while and I would love to to be more then "friends" but things he like thing just the way they are. That would be cool and all if I wasn't attracted to him.  On my check list for my perfect guy he has all the qualities he's a Christian, he has a  good job and working towards a career, he is very attractive with great hygiene, he is family oriented, and wants a family of his own some day. But what's the problem? We have great conversations and great ....you know what lol....but no change. (sigh) IDK maybe it is just me. But if he wasn't attracted to me he would hang out with me would he? I know what you are thinking but our relationship is not just sex. There is tons of times we talk and hang out and it not centered around that. Ummmm but only time will tell. Till next time bloggers!

Wow Think I might want a baby girl

So on Friday my co workers throw this baby shower for one of our co worker Hadyn. She is to cute, she is having 2 baby girls Jennifer and Madison and we could not be happier for her.  Getting pregnant was not easy for her she tired and tired and finally had to use invetro. Where they take you eggs from the ovaries fertilizes them on the out side and them place them back in once the egg has been fertilized.   It was a long painful road for her but she has made Feb. 15 she is having her c-section and the twins will be here.  But while I was shopping for her stuff, at last minute. lol. I couldn't help but have the feeling to want to do this for my self.  Buy the pink and purple, the hair bows and ribbon. I was so against all of it before but it just seemed so cute and warming.   I got to the register and realized that I had just picked up $100 worth of stuff and my cart was not even full. lol Of course had to put tons of stuff back cause I love Hadyn and all but I am a single mom who does't work nor make that much! But I could help myself ...there was sooooo many cute things and things she would need when the babies got here for some reason I thought I had to have it all. When I got to the shower it got worse to see her cute big belly and that beautiful glow that she had made me envy her much more!  Then it was gift time and all her gifts were just to darn cute....I wanted to take them home with me and go find me a baby girl to adopt. Crazy? I know, I don't know what is coming over me and this whole baby thing, I know I cant handle another one but for some reason want that lil girl in my life.  And just a couple of months ago I was anti girl.  I wanted nothing but boys cause I know I can not do hair lol! Well who knowns what the future holds for me, but first things first I need to get a man....a good man who can support his family and love us. When God sends him my way it is all systems go LOL!

Blog Virgin

Okay, so I am very new to the whole blog thing but I figured it would be a good way to let out how I feel and get feedback.  I have heard of clebs doing it and thought to my myself ummm they are famous people want to know what they are doing. Until I saw some of my co-workers had sites and what the heck GO FOR IT! So here I am. I know this first post is kinda dry but hey I am new to all this LOL! Till next time bloggers later!