Why do I do this

Why do I do this to myself? That was the question I asked my self. Why do I make my self cry? And I can not figure out why.  Why  think about my painful past that I have over come. Why  think of the people who hurt me the most. Why as human do we hurt ourselves the most.  I don't know but I do know that I am over the crying, the pain and the sadness.  I am better then that and I deserve better.  I deserve to live a carefree happy life.  Everyone else on this earth does why can't I? I find myself asking that question as well and once again I get sad. Maybe I am not over it? Or maybe i can't let go or don't know how to let go.  Its funny how I give so many people advise and for one second don't know how to take my own advise.  Why do we and when I say we I mean humans do that to ourselves.  We preach to the choir but don't listen to our own sermon.  Confusing I know I am going to try and change that starting today!